


Toilet Seats Should Have Ample Room Around Them So That the User Can Sit Comfortably

by pec



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen, Joui 4, Not Beta Read, Toilet humor, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 01:52:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6684493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pec/pseuds/pec
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gintoki is cranky because he doesn't like the toilets in Sakamoto's ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toilet Seats Should Have Ample Room Around Them So That the User Can Sit Comfortably

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own anything, the mighty Gorilla does.

“Storage room... meeting room... another storage room, dammit... 'staff only,' storage, elevator – ah, fucking finally, toilet!”

Gintoki pushed through the door and rushed inside. He'd been hunting for toilets for long painful minutes. 

Sakamoto's airship was like a maze; purposely designed to confuse you. Some of the signs and labels often turned out to be wrong, reading “restroom” but leading into a dining area. Gintoki made a mental note to tell Sakamoto to fix those stupid signs and make toilets more easily accessible. Or maybe he should give the suggestions to Mutsu, the wiser of the two leaders. 

Gintoki took off his coat and undid the strings of his pants, before his eyes landed on the toilet seat. 

“Are you fucking kidding me...” 

~ ~ ~

Gintoki barged into the conference room and shouted at all the occupants. 

“Why the hell are the toilet seats glued to the wall?!” 

Zura blinked at Gintoki and then turned to look at the walls around him. Takasugi lowered the beer bottle he'd been chugging. Sakamoto approached his clearly upset friend.

“What are you talking about?” asked Sakamoto, offering him a beer which Gintoki refused. 

“The damned toilet! At the end of this corridor. The toilet seat is this close to the wall.” Gintoki demonstrated by facing his palms to each other, leaving a breadth of few inches. 

“You could just pee standing up.” Zura shrugged. Gintoki turned to glare at him.

“And what if I have to poo, genius? It's too congested to sit down!” 

“I'm sure you can sit down.” Takasugi went back to his bottle of beer. “Why do you need to spread your legs when you're taking a dump, anyway?” 

Gintoki rounded on him, chest heaving. 

“Why I spread my legs and who I spread my legs for is none of your damn business!” 

Takasugi slammed his bottle down on the table. “That's not what I--”

“If you must know, it makes the stool passing process smoother.” Gintoki looked away. “It helps me relax.” 

Zura clamped his mouth shut with a hand, as if to stop himself from laughing. Takasugi snorted openly. Sakamoto scratched his head. “Is that so?” 

None of them were taking this seriously. They didn't appreciate the beauty of capacious toilets. He wasn't asking for luxurious seats, he wasn't being a spoiled brat or anything of the sort, he just wanted to able to enjoy full freedom during potty time. At the very least in his life. If his bastard friends still couldn't comprehend why this was important to him, he was done explaining. 

He caught the other three sharing highly amused looks between themselves and something snapped inside him. 

“Your ship sucks, Tatsuma!” 

That did it. None of them were laughing secretly anymore. 

“That was uncalled for.” Takasugi shook his head at him.

“You shut up!” Gintoki pointed at Takasugi. “You suck, too!” 

“Oh, fine,” said Sakamoto, annoyed. “My ship sucks because one of the toilets isn't to your liking. I shall design all the toilet seats in the smack middle of the toilet rooms to give you ample room, and make them revolvable too, and install some disco lights in there while I'm at it! How would you like that?” 

“Eight inches!” cried Gintoki to the ceiling. “Just give me eight more inches between the wall and the toilet seat! Is that too goddamn much to ask?!” 

“Stop shouting, the lot of you!” yelled Zura, banging his fists on the table, and before the Nobleman of Fury could further unleash his fury, the others fell silent. 

The long haired man got up swiftly and walked out in the direction of the toilet. The rest of them followed him, fuming. 

~ ~ ~

Gintoki was breathing down Sakamoto's neck as the taller man taped a paper to the toiler door and wrote _Do Not Use: Under Construction_ with a marker. Gintoki grabbed the marker from him added _because sakamoto tatsuma doesn't know how to install toilet seats_ underneath Sakamoto's writing. 

“Oh, come on now,” said Sakamoto, sighing exasperatedly. “Is that really necessary?” 

Gintoki was about to answer when Takasugi stepped forward and stole the marker from Gintoki. 

_and because gintoki is a huge baby_ , he wrote under Gintoki's scawl. 

_please install a squat toilet too, thanks_ , added Zura, who was not to be left out of the captioning ritual.

“I'll show you just how much of a baby I am,” said Gintoki, glaring at Takasugi.

“I'd like to see you try,” countered Takasugi. 

“Elizabeth prefers squat toilets,” said Zura. “It's easier for her to use, you know.” 

Sakamoto grinned widely at the sign. 

“Yes, yes, very well,” he said, somehow managing to put his arms around all three of his friends, and guided them back to the conference room for a game of UNO and some beer.

~ x ~

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments feed the soul :3


End file.
